FW: Christmas Pageant

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The Christmas Pageant

 

My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if he would give us a  child, I would be a perfect mother, love it with  all my heart and raise it with His word as my guide.

God answered my prayers and blessed us with a son.

The next year God blessed us with another son.

The following year, He blessed us with  yet another son.

The year after that we were blessed with a daughter.

My husband thought we'd been blessed right into poverty. We now had four children, and the oldest was only four years old.

I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it. As a minister once told me, "If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses of the Bible to the children each day as they lay in their cribs. 

I was off to a good start. God had entrusted me with four children and I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day the children smashed two dozen eggs on the kitchen floor searching for baby chicks.

I tried to be understanding... 

When they started a hotel for homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours to catch all twenty-three frogs.

When my daughter poured ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a blanket to see how it felt to be a hot dog, I tried to see the humor rather than the mess. 

In spite of changing over twenty-five thousand diapers, never eating a hot meal  and never sleeping for more than thirty minutes at a time, I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise to be a perfect mother - I didn't even come close... I did keep my promise to raise them in the Word of God. 

I knew I was missing the mark just a little when I told my daughter we were going to church to worship God, and she wanted to bring a bar of soap along to "wash up" Jesus, too.

Something was lost in the translation when I explained that God gave us everlasting life, and my son thought it was generous of God to give us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came during the children's Christmas pageant.

My daughter was playing Mary, two of my sons were shepherds and my youngest son was a wise man. This was their moment to shine.

My five-year-old shepherd had practiced his line, "We found the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes." 

But he was nervous and said, "The baby was wrapped in wrinkled clothes." 

My four-year-old "Mary" said, "That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly. That's dirty, rotten clothes."

A wrestling match broke out between Mary and the shepherd and was stopped by an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing. 

I slouched a little lower in my seat when Mary dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle crying, "Mama-mama." 

Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held it tightly as the wise men arrived.

My other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and a paper crown, knelt at the manger and announced, "We are the three wise men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur."

The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing ovation. 

"I've never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one," laughed the pastor, wiping tears from his eyes.

"For the rest of my life, I'll never hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and fur."

"My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing," I said as I dug through my purse for an aspirin.

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.

Had no army, yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us.

If you believe in God and in Jesus Christ His Son, send this to all on your buddy list.

GOD BLESS YOU


Keep Christ in your Christmas

 

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FW: The Company Party

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************************************ Company Memo FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources  Director TO:        All  Employees DATE:    October 1, 2008 RE:         Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will  take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function  room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!   We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing  along.  And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa  Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.  Exchanges of gifts  among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over  $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.  This  gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special  announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and  your family, Patty    Company Memo FROM:      Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:          All Employees DATE:     October 2,  2008 RE:         Gala Holiday  Party In no way was yesterday's  memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that  Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas,  though unfortunately not this year.  However, from now on, we're  calling it our "Holiday Party."  The same policy applies to any other  employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating  Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas  carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your  enjoyment. Happy  now? Happy Holidays to you and your  family, Patty      Company Memo FROM:   Patty  Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:       All  Employees DATE:    October 3, 2008 RE:         Holiday Party Regarding the note I received  from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you  didn't sign your name.  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I  put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous  anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this?   Somebody?   And sorry, but forget about  the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that  $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little  chintzy.   REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE  ALLOWED.        Company Memo FROM:    Patty  Lewis, Human Resources Director To:        All  Employees DATE:    October 4, 2008 RE:         Generic Holiday Party   What a diverse group we are!   I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids  eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!   Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does  not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House  can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package  everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will  that work?   Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit  farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table  closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.         Lesbians do not have to sit  with Gay men; each group will have their own table. Yes, there will  be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.   To the person asking  permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be  allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.  Sorry.   We will have booster seats  for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a  diet.   I am  sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.   The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a  bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics,  but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts.  Sorry! Did I miss  anything?!?!? Patty        Company Memo FROM:    Patty  Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:        All  F*%^ing Employees DATE:    October  5,  2008 RE:        The F*%^ing Holiday  Party   I've had it with you  vegetarian pricks!!!  We're going to keep this party at the Grill House  whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest  from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your  f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes  have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them.  I've heard  them scream.  I'm hearing them scream right  NOW!   The rest of you f*%^ing  wierdos can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive  drunk and die,   The  B*tch from H*ll!!!        Company Memo FROM:   Joan  Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE:   October 6,  2008 RE:       Patty Lewis and Holiday  Party   I'm sure I speak for all of  us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward  your cards to her.   In the meantime, management  has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of  the 23rd off with full pay.     Happy Holidays! Joan

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Constipation

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some news about the climate summit

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A Lovely Story

A lovely story from a lady friend whom I would like to share with my friends.  Quite touching and I'll bet that some can relate to.  Kind of brings tears to your eyes. LG    A Lovely Story About Me  One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.  (That would be me...J)                             But that was a long time ago and it was just that one day.  THE END.

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FW: WW II Battleship sailor tells Obama to shape up or ship out!

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---    WW II Battleship sailor tells Obama to shape up or ship out !     This venerable and much honored WW II vet is well known in Hawaii for his seventy-plus years of service to patriotic organizations and causes all over the country. A humble man without a political bone in his body, he has never spoken out before about a government official, until now. He dictated this letter  to a friend, signed it and mailed it to the president. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Dear President Obama,                    My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year.  People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert. I enlisted in the  U.S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate.  Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of  Pearl Harbor , allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country. One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man. So here goes.......   I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do, but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish. I can't figure out what country you are the president of. You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like:   " We're no longer a Christian nation"   "  America is arrogant" - (Your wife even announced to the world," America is mean-   spirited. " Please tell her to try preaching that nonsense to 23 generations of our   war dead buried all over the globe who died for no other reason than to free a   whole lot of strangers from tyranny and hopelessness. I'd say shame on the both of you, but I don't think you like America, nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do, for the obvious gifts this country has given you.  To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House. After 9/11 you said,"  America hasn't lived up to her ideals." Which ones did you mean? Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British?  Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man, that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War?  I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers, husbands, and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around, because we stand for freedom. I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination.  You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected. Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man. Shape up and start acting like an American.  If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on  Pennsylvania Avenue .  You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves. And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in  Massachusetts , who was putting up a fight?  You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists. One more thing.  I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life, but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son.  Do your job.  When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him.  But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out.  The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of. You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president.  You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy.  That's not our greatest threat.  Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now. And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle. Sincerely, Harold B. Estes" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When a 95 year old hero of the "the Greatest Generation" stands up and speaks out like this, people should listen.

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FW: Sarah Palin

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Don't know how you feel about Sarah Palin but here's some comments from one of her fans. 

By  Dewie Whetsell, Alaskan Fisherman. As posted in comments on Greta's article referencing the MOVEON ad about Sarah Palin.

The  last 45 of my 66 years I've spent in a commercial fishing town in Alaska  I understand Alaska politics but never understood national politics well until  this last year.  Here's the breaking point: neither side of the Palin controversy gets it.  It's not about persona, style, rhetoric, it's about doing things.  Even  Palin supporters never mention the things that I'm about to mention  here...

1- Democrats forget when Palin was the Darling of the Democrats, because as soon as Palin took the Governor's office away from a fellow Republican and tough SOB, Frank Murkowski, she  tore into the Republican's "Corrupt Bastards Club" (CBC) and sent them  packing.  Many of them are now residing in State housing and wearing orange jump suits. The Democrats reacted by skipping around the yard, throwing confetti and singing, "la la la la" (well, you know how they are).  Name another governor in this country that has ever done anything similar. 

2- Now with the CBC gone, there were fewer Alaskan politicians to protect the huge, giant oil companies here. So she constructed and enacted a new  system of splitting the oil profits called "ACES."  Exxon (the biggest corporation in the world) protested and Sarah  told them, "don't let the door hit you in the stern on your way  out."  They stayed, and Alaska residents went from being merely wealthy to being wealthier.  Of course, the other huge international oil companies  meekly fell in line. Again, give me the name of any other governor in the country that has done anything similar. Each  person that lives in Alaska gets between $1200-$2000 (PFD)  for living there. What do VA. Governors give you? Answer, a closed rest stop.  Now  try to name anything Obama accomplished while a senator? 

3- The other thing she did when she walked into the governor's office is she got the list of State requests for federal funding for projects, known as "pork."   She went through the list, took 85% of them and placed them in the "when hell freezes over" stack. She let locals know that if we need something built, we'll pay for it ourselves.  Maybe she figured she could use the money she got from selling the previous governor's jet because it was extravagant. Maybe she could use  the money she saved by dismissing the governor's cook (remarking that she could cook for her own family), giving back the State vehicle issued to her, maintaining that she already had a car, and dismissing her State provided security force (never mentioning (I imagine) that she's packing heat herself).  I'm still waiting to hear the names of those other governors.

4- Now, even with her much-ridiculed "gosh and golly" mannerism,  she also managed to put together a totally new approach to getting a natural gas  pipeline built which will be the biggest private construction project in  the history of North America. No one else could do it although they tried. If that doesn't impress you, then you're trying too hard to be unimpressed while watching her do things like this while baking up a batch of brownies with her other hand.

5- For 30 years, Exxon held a lease to do exploratory drilling at a place called Point Thompson. They made excuses the entire time why they couldn't start drilling.  In truth they were holding it like an investment. No governor for 30 years could make them get started.This summer, she told them she was revoking their lease and kicking them out. They protested and threatened court action. She shrugged and reminded them that she knew the way to the court house. Alaska won again. 

6- President Obama wants the nation to be on 25% renewable resources for electricity by 2025. Sarah went to the legislature and submitted her plan for Alaska to be at 50% renewables by 2025.  We  are already at 25%.  I can give you more specifics about things done, as opposed to style and persona. Everybody wants to be cool, sound cool, look cool. But that's just a cover-up. I'm still waiting to hear from liberals the names of other governors who can match what mine has done in two and a half years. I won't be holding my breath.

By  the way, she was content to return to AK after the national election and go to work, but the haters wouldn't let her.  Now  these adolescent screechers are obviously not scuba divers. And no one ever told them what happens when you continually jab and pester a 'barracuda'.  Without warning, it will spin around and tear your face off.  Shoulda known better.

You  have just read the truth about Sarah Palin that sends the media, along with the democrat party, into a wild uncontrolled frenzy to  discredit her.  I guess they are only interested in skirt chasers, dishonesty, immoral people, liars, womanizers, murderers, and bitter ex-presidents' wives or current  President and his wife and staff.

So "You go, Girl." I only wish the men in Washington had your guts, determination, honesty, and morals. I  rest my case.  Only FOOLS listen to the biased media.

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Fw: 7%

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life
taught me. It is the most-requested column I've
ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is
the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to
disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying
alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind..

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. ut the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young..

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw
everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'. I'm in the 7%. Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

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Windows 7: I wanted simpler, now it's simpler. I'm a rock star.

FW: Life is too short

 

 

Subject: Life is too short

 

LIFE   Summary of Life GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.. 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . .. Not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.. At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver's license. At age 35 success is . . . Having money. At age 50 success is . . . Having money. At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . Having friends. At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants. Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh. Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day. Have a wonderful day with many! *smiles* Take the time to live!!! Life is too short. Dance naked. Woo-hoo!

 

 

 

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FW: Red Shirt Fridays

Subject:  Red Shirts On Fridays                   Red  Shirts   If the red shirt thing is new to you, read below how it went for a man. Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home. No, he responded. Heading out I asked? No.  I'm escorting a soldier home. Going to pick him up? No. He is with me right now.  He was killed in Iraq , I'm taking him home to his family. The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.   I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.   Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign." Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American. So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do. Red Fridays Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority."  We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that ... Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women a far, will wear something red. By word of mouth, press, & TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on. The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is. "We need your support and your prayers." Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday. IF YOU AGREE  -- THEN PLEASE SEND THIS ON. IF  YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS -- THEN HIT THE DELETE  BUTTON

 

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FW: Talking Dog. Really!

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From: sanjoseed@mac.com
Date: Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:23:26 -0700
Subject: Talking Dog. Really!
To: okieinenid@suddenlink.net

A guy driving around the back woods of Montana saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house that read: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He stopped; went to the door and rang the door bell. The dogs owner appeared and told him the dog was in the backyard.

The guy went into the backyard and saw a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks. 

'Yep,' the Lab replies. 

After the guy recovered from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asked, "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looked up and said, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping." 

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." 

The guy was amazed! He went back in the house and asked the owner what he wanted for the dog. 

"Ten dollars,"  the guy said.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that s--t." 

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